November 30th 2018 is when this picture was taken. A week and 1 day past my November 22nd (Thanksgiving Day) due date and 2 more days until I would have a C-section and meet my sweet baby Hue. But I didn’t know the last part in this picture, I thought I was leaving to go to the hospital and I would meet my baby in a few hours! We were very calm driving to the hospital that Friday morning as I had no signs of labor. We even stopped at a Starbuck’s drive thru so Jake could get some coffee and a bite to eat. We got buzzed in to labor + delivery on the 3rd floor of the hospital and we checked in. Like you would for a normal doctors appointment. It felt unreal. A woman who had just given birth was getting transferred from her birth room to the other side of the floor where you recovered for a couple of days. She was standing but in a cart like thing with wheels and they played her some baby music to congratulate her as a nurse followed her wheeling her new baby girl behind her. I was like ok so this is how its going to go. I will go in one of these rooms, give birth, get wheeled standing up to another room with my baby following behind me as he gets wheeled in his hospital bassinet by a nurse. I needed to know what was going to happen even if that was what not ended up happening.

We got sent to our room which was a really big corner suite. Which was great because I was about to spend the whole weekend in that room. The nurse was getting us situated and we calmly asked how long this inducing thing was going to take. She said, in a very calm voice, up to three days. Pretty sure our mouths were wide open when she said that. My husband had talked to a lot of his coworkers and they all said inducing was super fast. I am assuming they all had signs of labor before getting induced? I had absolutely no signs of labor. The first thing they did was hook up my and my baby’s heartbeat to a machine. Then a mid-wife came in and explained her plan of action. I was going to start on a pill, see how that goes. Then have a liquid filled balloon inserted to help soften/open the cervix. This was the first day and night and I was in pain for most of the night. I had just started watching Schitt’s Creek and I blew through all four seasons the first night. I was still up at 4am and they finally gave me something to sleep. I just really wanted to meet my baby boy. I was super regretting sending Jake home but I was told not too much was going to happen the first night. A new nurse woke me up at 6am and she was all business. She was like, “You are here to have a baby. I am going to get you breakfast, eat as much as you can since this will most likely be your last meal before you give birth.” She ended up being my favorite nurse because she took care of business and made sure everything fell in the right place. Jake arrived by 8am. I took a shower, we went on a mandatory walk around the 3rd floor. When we came back, I had another visit from a new mid-wife. She took out the balloon because she said it wasn’t doing anything. I was grateful because it was super painful. Then they started me on a Pitocin drip. I know longer could eat, I could only lay in certain positions because they couldn’t get the baby’s heartbeat in certain positions. Around 4pm, I was starting to feel some contractions and I was dilated to a 2! I was there for over 24 hours and I was only at a two. I heard the room next to me give birth and my nurses kept getting pulled away to help with other rooms that were giving birth. I was starting to feel like a major failure. Nothing was really happening. I couldn’t really sleep, I couldn’t eat, I didn’t want Jake to leave in case something happened. Saturday night came and went and the next morning the same midwife measured me and I went down to a 1! She was like go ahead and have breakfast your new midwife will be seeing you soon to discuss your options. So I ate, showered and then my now third new mid-wife came to discuss options. She decided that she didn’t think I had a fair chance and wanted to do this whole process all over again. It is now Sunday Morning, December 2nd. I don’t want to go through all of this again. Clearly my body is ignoring all the cues from all the drugs to help induce labor. I asked why a second time was going to work when the first time didn’t? Her plan was to do all three things at once. I was told the first time everything that was given to me had to be given to me in a certain sequence, so it didn’t make sense that it was all of a sudden ok to go hard with all three at once. Plus I didn’t want two plus days of this. I had a feeling it was going to end up in a c-section wether I did it that Sunday or tried to go natural one more time. I was pretty shocked she was recommending me to go through it one more time. I asked about c-section options, she said I could do it but she is not recommending it or for it. I was in a really weird situation. I had a medical professional telling me to do something that felt wrong. She was giving me major attitude when I even brought up c-section. I wanted to listen to her but it just did not feel right. I told her I needed a minute and I called my sister who had a natural birth and a c-section. She was so excited and my young niece was on the phone because they thought I was calling with exciting news. I was trying so hard to keep it together, she got the tone really quickly and had my niece leave the conversation and then I just bursted into tears. I asked her which scenario was better, natural or c-section? She was like, do a c-section. It is like 15 minutes and your baby is in your arms. She was like you sound exhausted and there is no reason to put your body through that process again, especially if it wasn’t working. This is exactly what my husband and I were thinking too, I just needed to hear it from someone who has experienced both. So I got off the phone, the midwife came back, I told her I wanted a c-section and she was clearly pissed and let me know one more time that she did not recommend this and she told me all the risks that came along with c-section but there is also risk with natural. Which she also explained. She said that every time they checked you, there is a risk of infection happening! I had already been checked at least 4 times! I said I understood and wanted the c-section anyways. Now I knew at this point that the midwife probably wasn’t allowed to recommend a c-section unless it was an emergency. I understand I was now dealing with hospital politics and economical factors. I luckily had talked to a friend who is a labor and delivery nurse at a different hospital and she gave me a rundown of all the things to be aware of the month before. One of the things she said was “do not feel defeated if you end up doing a c-section.” I am so glad she told me this because you do feel like you are failing and I was having this conversation with this irritated midwife through tears. Once she got the c-section paper work going things started to move. The doctor who was going to deliver Hue came to tell me all the risks and that this was not recommended by midwife and this was optional on my end. (All hospital politic stuff) Then the anesthesiologist came in with her team and walked me through how the c-section was going to go down. One hiccup was I had to wait 8 hours because I was told to eat breakfast which I did. Once all the explaining was done I slept for like 2 or 3 hours straight. It was the last heavy sleep I would have in a while. My nurse came in at around 3:30 pm to get me ready for my 4pm c-section and she looked so upset. She explained to me that a gunshot victim was in the ER and that police had the whole ground floor on lockdown! They were borrowing labor and delivery nurses to help with the surgery and my anesthesiologist team were down there helping him. I guess since it was a Sunday the staff wasn’t as full as it would be on a week day? My nurse felt so bad, she knew I was waiting patiently to give birth. I asked if Jake had enough time to go home and and eat something, feed the cat and take a shower and she said yes but not to be longer than two hours. My nurse was giving me hourly updates and at around 6:45 she came in and started to really get me ready for surgery! She was wearing a surgery hat, I was wearing one, Jake was fully suited up, we were all ready! She walked me to the surgery area and they were asking me my name and date of birth when another nurse came running in yelling “Stop!” I was like WTF now?!?! A pre-term mother was having a baby and the doctor that would be delivering Hue was in there delivering this baby. My nurse was apologizing profusely. She was like you have been so patient all day, I promise your baby will be coming soon. She had us hang out in the recovery area after you have a c-section, it was just Jake and I and we were sitting very quietly just waiting. Two people were in the hallway talking about the gunshot victim. Turns out it was a stabbing not a gunshot and he was fine. Once they saw us they went down the hallway a bit to talk, they were waiting to help deliver Hue too! About 20 minutes later, my nurse was like, it is now really your turn. They brought me into the surgery room, asked me my name and dob. They put a spinal tap in my back and started to walk me through what I was going to be feeling next. I have to say the anesthesiologist was amazing. She explained everything to me in detail. At one point, right before the doctor came in she asked if I was ok and I told her I was really scared. She was wearing a mask so I could only see her eyes and I could tell through her eyes she wanted to tell me everything was going to be ok. I didn’t like feeling paralyzed from the chest down. I was thinking how screwed I would be if there was an earthquake! Then I had an overwhelming feeling to throw up due to the numbing medicine. Which was also normal and she had a barf bag ready to go. This exact moment is when Jake walked in as I was barfing. She first told me she wasn’t going to strap my arms down but once I was throwing up I was moving my arms too much so she strapped them down. If my hands touched my stomach at all they would have to start all over. Then all the teams said they were ready to go, the doctor said the time, my name and what they were about to do. We are already half way through 20 minute process. My anesthesiologist was giving me a play by play on what was happening, Jake was behind me trying to make sure I was okay because I was still really scared at this point. And then I heard the very first cries from Hue and I full on wept. I didn’t know how long I was waiting to meet him until I heard those first cries.

Then a lot of stuff is happening at once. There is a team taking care of Hue, Jake is taking pictures and cutting the umbilical cord. My doctor and nurse are stitching my incision back up. I haven’t met Hue yet. I can see him and hear him but they haven’t brought him over to me. I can tell by my anesthesiologist reaction that normally they would bring my baby over to me by now. She is trying not to cross jurisdictions but is also wanting me to meet my baby. I see her say something to one of Hue’s nurses and they bring him over to me. I am still totally numb here and I can’t move my arms because they are strapped down but this was the first time we were meeting and it was magical.

His little pinky sticking out. SO CUTE.

Soon after this picture was taken, my nurse took Hue, Jake and me out to the recovery area where she checked all my vitals, started having Hue breast feed right away. We were in this area for about a half hour. Then we got wheeled to the other side of the floor where all the new parents and babies were. I had a nurse, Hue had a baby nurse. They get us settled over on this new side. They asked us a million questions and it feels very late at night but I don’t really know what time it is. They do give you a “you just had a kid breakfast for you and your husband” which was nice. But it is hospital food and I am sure we paid extra for it somewhere in our hospital bill. Monday went by slow and fast at the same time. I have just had a major surgery so it’s hard for me to move around, I didn’t want Jake to leave my side. Which is not my normal behavior. I was super afraid Hue was going to need me and it was going to take me a while to get to him. I still felt really weak. Tuesday night was super rough. The baby nurses weren’t really helping, Hue was crying a lot. A sweet nurse at like 4am brought us some formula and Hue finally quieted down. Hue was discharged Tuesday morning. I asked a nurse if I could go home too. This was like at noon. A nurse came in at 4:30pm and was like so you’re staying tonight? We were like I guess. But we called her back and said we wanted to leave if possible especially if we were going to pay for another night. She checked and we definitely were going to have to pay another night. We wanted to leave once we found out we could. At this point I hadn’t been outside since Friday morning and it’s five days later. I was itching to get to know Hue in the comfort of our own home. At first all the help in the hospital is nice but then it gets overwhelming with a lot of opinions and suggestions. I needed to get to know him on my terms in my home. We left at 6:30pm on December 4th. It was dark and felt later then it was. I got wheeled out with Hue in my arms as Jake pulled up in our car. It ended up pouring the next day so it was so good we left when we did.

It was so nice to be home with our new baby! It’s almost been seven months now and it really has been an amazing experience to be Hue’s mom.  This is Hue and I about two weeks later.